Or Will It

Darkness, coldness… emptiness

pain, solitude… loneliness

weakness, defeat … sorrow

I can still see it coming it is coming to consume me, its coldness will surround me, the emptiness envelope me destroying me.

Or will it.

Or will it.

Or will I stand to it will I be stronger.

Part of me screams, bring it on!

Part of me just screams in horror of what I will become when it release its grip from my innermost being, when it lets my soul in to light again.

Or will it

Or will it

Or will it be stronger and consume my soul,

I want to run from it, I want to run to what I know, I am tried of seeing this oncoming Darkness coming to take me.

I am tired.

Tired of the unkown, of being alone with people all around surrounding me. Tired of waiting for it to take me, or pass me and leave me.

Why wont it leave me

Just leave me alone…

I don’t want to be alone anymore,

I want to be held, I want to feel compassion, to feel comfort, to feel like I belong and am where I should be.

I want to cry, but no on a shoulder, I want to curl up in someone’s arms and just let it all out. The floor is cold and makes me feel more alone then when I begin.

I want to be loved, why cant I feel love by other means, why am I so physical.

This Darkness will come for me, and it will ravage my existence.

Or will it

Or will it

Or will it leave me a better person, baptized by fire and made new like the phoenix.

Or will it

…or will it…

--Christopher Welker
6.15.04