Time for these to see light

if only for a while

If only for a while you could see what I feel
If only for a while I could explain what I think
If only for a while you could let me show you my love

If only for a while we could be in love

What would it prove, what would it show. I don’t know. I shouldn’t want to know. But I dream of a chance that I can’t ask for, that I can’t expect, and I don’t.

My heart has agendas that I cannot control with reason, with practical thought

If only for a while I could be happy with what you have given me
If only for a while I could be happy with all I will have from you
If only for a while I could be what you need

If only for a while I could make your life better

…if only for a while…

--Christopher Welker
03.03.05

whatching her

Watching her I see such a special attitude. Into things she loves her emotions are poured, her work is important to her with each phrase, each note there is a push of emotion that makes battles turn. Her passion towards this work is immeasurable; her life is spent on it trying to make it the best that she can.

Her mind is focused and she sees so much more then lines and dots written on a field of white, she sees things in these works that there creators may never have meant to place on sheet. Her whole being can be placed in to these works, when it is she takes pride in the results.

What I would give just to receive a small portion of the emotions, and care put into the pages she turns to life. She may not know how I feel, and she very well might. Sometimes I wish for her to know, other times I hope she will never know. I fear what might happen if she had the knowledge of my emotions.

Her friendship means more then most things currently involved with my life. I would not trade it for anything in the world. I fear that every time I am with her that I will ruin something good in my life, I worry that I might hurt her, I worry I might make her feel that she is less that what she is, which is amazing.

My heart never knows which way is up, in order to figure things out I must hide, hide in something that make my life worth while, that which is also her life’s current desire.

Why must my heart and my mind work opposite each other. I want nothing more then what I have… and yet, her touch makes my heart warm and the darkest time seem light. Her smile, just her face makes me smile though the worst of tears.

I do not know what will happen, nor do I care, I just pray that my life will not be with out her presence in some form.

My greatest friend is convinced we have fallen for each other. He is rarely wrong and I would normally believe him, but this one I see he is wrong, yet only half. I think I have fallen for her, but her feelings are not the same. This means nothing to me since I know she is still a close companion, and I would trade that for nothing, if there is to be more between her and I, I will be grateful for the relationship that is currently there.

though there will never be anything.

Even if she has fallen for me, she can do far better then me. She is talented and beautiful and has some place to go in this life. She can do better then some one who will never be able to fully appreciate what she truly is….

--Christopher Welker
5.31.04


I wish

I love you and I wish I didn’t,
It rips at my soul
I wish I could just be content with what I have been given
I wish I didn’t want to hold you when I look at you
I wish I didn’t want you hand in mine,

I wish you didn’t have to be on you guard around me
I wish you could be who you want to be and not be afraid of how I will act
I wish that I could just let it go

I wish it was easy

-- Christopher Welker
7.9.04